this is where we look for things
09.02.02 - 9:27
i'm not sure what the name of that feeling is, the cold icy one that makes you want to puke. sometimes you can be so sure about something and sometimes you can be so unsure and sometimes all you can be sure about is the fact that you're unsure. i feel like all the pretty words have left me, dripping out over the past few weeks, a moment of inspiration here and there and now nothing. i feel empty and i feel broken and i'm so confused about all the things i can't name.
what can you be sure about? can you be sure about what you hold in your own two hands? can you be sure about ideas and thoughts and the things you can't ever touch? they start when you're very young, trying to convince you that there are things that are real even though you can't see or feel them. love, god, atoms. whatever. ultraviolet rays, bacteria, life after death. pain.
your heart stops beating and your synapses stop firing and your brain waves flatten out and your blood stops moving and you're left with all you are, all you ever were plus or minus a soul (if you bought into that).
