this is where we look for things
10.15.00 - 11:03:59
i'm tired down in my bones tonight. a 9-5 training. pretty good 3 mile run. a couple of movies on hbo. a lot of faulkner. a hot, hot shower. doubts and memories and things sliding in and out of focus. priorities. time. plans. thoughts. communication, words thrown out into space, 'love is touching souls.' coincidences and mixed signals. one step forward, two steps back. phones that ring too loudly. safety. a clean fish tank. happy fishes. adverbs marching neatly across the screen. who. whom. namesanddatesandplaces. music. the bones under the skin of my hand, radiating out from my wrist. dreams that are too real. coffee warming me, inside out. a too-cold room. a woman with a laugh that shakes the room. a laugh that is bigger than me. free bread. a black lamborghini. concrete staircases. fear. lightscameraaction. paralysis. mysteries. flowers. warmth after too-cold. beauty too real to touch. fragile wings. a long car ride with the windshields all fogged up. a short car ride with the needle on e and the orange light on. flying. red grapes and purple. the new york times. three vertical scratches and two at forty-five degrees. bills. pumping gas before the sun is high and hot. knowing. seeing. wishing. light, a lotlotlot of light and the smell of freesias and rain. secrets that hang in the air after you walk out of the room. silence that is not silence, but a hundred questions, some unanswered, some unasked. an enigma. a paradox. the imperfectsubjunctivepreteritefutureperfect. perfection. ambient. trance. drum and bass. a beat. a clock that is never on time. hands that never move, except when they move too fast. motion. always moving.
