10.20.00 - 11:55:20

so we went to the show tonight. i think elliott smith played a total of three songs from the album i know best, but that WAS like, three cds ago, so i guess that's to be expected. i liked his stuff a lot. maybe i'll go buy figure eight after all. or xo at least.

so the other day, caught up in the throes of music passion, i made this grandiose statement about ben harper's "masterpieces." i believe i listed three songs. but the truth is, only one of those songs is truly a masterpiece. by my side and burn one down are lovely songs. the power of the gospel is a masterpiece. the first time i heard it in my car, i thought i was going to have a heart attack. like, i was slightly concerned about the safety of the other drivers on the road. but i couldn�t stop the song. it was too amazing. i think i had goosebumps through the whole song.

i decided that i should have the skeleton of my book by the end of this academic year. my first book, anyway. i think it'll be the chatty memoir that makes the big lessons accessible because the novel is so witty and charming. oh, and also, you'll enjoy my sparkling prose.

it would make me so happy to write a book.

i had this moment of clarity in the middle of the set. i would love to be a musician. i would love to be a journalist. i would love to be a writer. i would love to paint. i would love to sing and dance and make things that are beautiful.

i would love to be an artist.

and i think it's vital to my happiness later in life for me to realize that dream at some point in life. maybe not just yet. maybe not in the next five or ten years. but watch carefully. i'll get there.

if i can really have the outline of this book by the summer....like, i have a plan. it seems attainable. the plan's really not all that exciting, so i won't lay that out right now.

so just the opening lick of 'by my side' has this calming effect on me. just the first two or three notes and i can feel all of the wound up crazy things inside of me start to unwind just a little bit. maybe i should just listen to this 24 hours a day.

i realized the other day that we really do treat others the way we want to be treated. and then we expect them to just catch on and start treating us that way. but like, at the same time that we're consciously doing this, we ignore the mute entreaties of others around us. so pay attention to the people around you. that friend of yours that calls four times a day just to see what you're up to? she wants you to call her for no reason, too. the one that sends you a letter every week? yeah, he wants you to write back. that friend that's fine for a couple of weeks but then disappears completely for days at a time? she would like some space. just pay attention. it's so painfully obvious and we're all so bad at interpreting these signals. or maybe we just don't want to try that hard. because you're not the kind that calls for no reason. but think about whatever it is you want, and how happy it would make you to get that from whomever you want to get it from. making someone else happy is a big thing, even if it feels like no big effort on your part. it's not just anyone that could do what you're doing. appreciate that. it's important, probably one of the most important things you can learn in your lifetime.

how corny.

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