11.11.2000 - 11:29:40

the plan was to at least finish my history paper tonight. it's only got to be 3-4 pages long. after about 10 minutes of thinking about it, this paper would most likely take 45-60 minutes. not so much a big deal. so i was going to do it tonight. went and worked out. got my cds from campus. went grocery shopping. baked some biscuits. and i guess that was as far as my energy was going to take me. because then i ended up on the couch and watched the end of pretty woman. and then the end of waterboy. and then the end of addicted to love. yeah, we just weren't so hot with our timing and our movie channel selection tonight. but that's fine. well, fine except for the fact that it's now 11:04 and my head hurts and part of me is saying, look, that paper isn't even DUE until tuesday. and another part of me is saying, your english paper is due on monday, you should start that. and a third part of me is saying, go to bed, your brain's too fuzzy to write anything coherent right now. another part is saying, ohmygodyouhavesomuchtodotomorrow!!! and is totally freaking out. i'm trying to ignore that part because she seems most detrimental to my state of mind.

i do have lots to do tomorrow. orchestra rehearsal. have to watch secretos del corazon. need to put up some fliers about the school of the americas protest. maybe need to watch solas. maybe will skip solas if one paper is not completed. at least i finished reading for my history paper. the book was interesting. a history of new york nightlife around the turn of the century into the 20s. fun to read about.

got a positive email back from one of the profs i contacted about directed reading. i think i'm going to do a project about women and the environment. maybe specifically native american women. maybe not. maybe a specific genre. like poetry. though if i'm taking that vic poetry class and poetry writing, that may be enough poetry for me. anyway, i need to start thinking about what i want to do over the weekend. i need a list of 10-20 books for her pretty soon. that's a lot of books. well, 10 is a lot different than 20. we'll have to think about that for a little while. it was a nice email from a nice prof. oh, and get this. she says, "you are not just gifted as a student, but disciplined." i'll have to work on that some before next semester. but with the minimal classload, i think it should be um, not so difficult.

midnight train to georgia is a good sing-along song.

i got a letter from melissa today. melissa's the best letter writer. seriously, she is. it was a nice letter.

she says my site updates have been cheerier. or more upbeat lately. i need to write melissa a letter. soon. how much shall we wager that that letter gets written before either paper? no, that's a bad frame of thinking. papers will be done first. yes, they will. i could use a three day weekend. i guess this sorta was a three day weekend, seeing as i didn't go to any classes, so maybe i need a four day weekend. or spring break. hell.

you know what i've been thinking about lately? signatures. i've been discussing signatures with a lot of different people lately. remember the way you used to sign your name differently every time you did it? and you would watch grown-ups sign their name and you couldn't understand how it looked the same every time? i would sit there with a piece of paper, signing my name over and over again, painstakingly copying my signature each and every time. it was still a little different every time. or sometimes i would try to create a "cool" signature. the definition of "cool" was hard to pin down. sometimes it was big, loopy letters. sometimes it was sharp and angular. sometimes it was just a scribble -- but a stylish scribble. but it was never mine, because only grown-ups really had signatures that turned out the same every time. and then i was signing my timesheet last week and there happened to be a carbon copy of my last timesheet, with the exact same signature. they would have matched up on an overhead if we made transparencies. and i sat there and i thought, well, i haven't thought about signatures in forever. and to think about them as this sign or mark that you're an adult, well, that's sorta weird. it's more weird because it's something i haven't thought about in so long. like remembering something you forgot you knew. i gave up on my first name a while ago. just a first initial now. for angie, she said it was in the interest of saving time. for me, i only have three extra letters to write. i think it's more about hiding than saving time. i don't really know what i'm hiding from.

everything's gonna be alright.

air on a g string. hmm.

do you ever watch jackass on mtv? my favorite bit so far has been the urban kayaking. oh man, that was funny.

now we're listening to james taylor. fire and rain. good stuff. soothing.

orchestra rehearsal tomorrow. it seems like it's been forever since last week's rehearsal. time is losing form and meaning for me. i don't really feel it the same way i used to. not that that's necessarily a bad thing. and in the end, everything gets done. everything always gets done in my world. that's how you keep it spinning.

i have started to use the royal we. curious.

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