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12.6.00 - 1:43:29

1) i don't understand why i like the fuel song 'hemorrhage' so much. it's not really the kind of thing that appeals to me aurally. usually. but there's something that makes me listen to it over and over and over again. maybe it's the strings. i don't know.

2) i wonder if susy got my letter yet.

3) the thing about wanting to know the truth is that you have to ask yourself if you really want to know. you should ask yourself four or five times, really, because you're pretty good at fooling yourself. the thing about wanting to know me is the same way. because there are things that you won't ever like. but they are things that are part of me.

4) i feel, suddenly, a far stronger sense of self than i have ever felt before. when you're past the skin and past the bones, i suppose self is all you have left.

5) being in love is like having a huge fluffy teddy bear at your disposal 24/7. getting love letters in the mail makes the teddy bear even bigger and fluffier.

6) i've hurt a lot of people in my life and i'm sorry. i know i didn't mean to, but this sort of thing happens every now and again. i hate hurting people. i hate it. and if i could make it so it never happened again, i would. but

7) i'm not god.

8) we had a laser-tag place where we used to go play when we were all still in school. you got to name yourself. sometimes i would name myself god just to get a reaction from the counter guy. naming yourself god always gets a reaction from the counter guy.

9) irreverence is not exactly the same thing as disrespect.

10) the readiness is all. is that the boy scout motto or something? i've been thinking about readiness recently. because i feel very ready somehow. i'm not quite sure for what. but ready. it is good to feel stronger inside my skin.

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