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12.6.00 - 8:59:41

it is important for me to know that you love me and accept me. but it is also important for me to be me. and if i am forced to choose between being someone who makes you happy and being the person that i am, i am afraid that i will have to learn how to live under that shadow. i've apologized enough, i think, for the times that i've hurt you, and i know, too, that apologies are a pat on the back at best and empty words at worst. i'm tired now, and there are things that i need to think about. sometimes i feel like i make life more complicated than it needs to be. and sometimes, like now, i feel that things *are* complicated and it's not so much that i am creating the complications, so maybe i just need to learn how to better react and resolve things. i am going to shower now, but it is true that there's only so much you can wash away with water.

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