12.11.00 - 10:22:41

my sweater, my brain, this white puppy i saw at petsmart sunday afternoon.

i highly recommend the unplugged channel on spinner.com. it's way more hit than miss. plus it's a fun change from your playlist because you're always surprised by the next song. which doesn't happen much even with a playlist of thousands of songs because you picked them all at some point or another.

listening to graham parker. local girls. isn't that random as hell.

hace frio aqui. en mi apartamento, tambien. necesito cambiar esta situacion pronto.

now listening to the eagles. peaceful easy feeling. in between spanish, i've been (re)reading some philip roth. good stuff. i think philip roth was one of the first authors that got me thinking about writing the great american novel. of course, today, i don't really think it's possible to write the great american novel anymore. i don't really think it's possible for it to exist. if lyotard tells me that the grand narrative is dead and backs it up with some pretty good logic, i'm going to believe it. oh, and he did.

today i had mahi-mahi for dinner. i need to learn how to cook fish because it really is one of my favorite foods. but it totally sucks when it's cooked wrong. i made some gingerbread cookies today. that was fun. there's still dough left but i feel too lazy to cut them out. maybe i'll just do them tomorrow.

it's funny how you can feel the weight lifting off of you and then descending again and then completely leaving you and then hovering about your shoulders. but see, the worst thing is the shadow of the weight. the fact that the weight was there, even if it isn't there anymore. because once you've had to carry it, you can't ever really be sure if it's really gone. and you can't bluff like you ARE sure because if it came back and you weren't prepared for it there's no way you'd be able to handle it. you can call it perpetual readiness, or you can call it paranoia. it's pretty much the same thing, anyway, isn't it.

sometimes i wonder how people can be happy in the world we're in and then sometimes i have a little happy moment and i think i understand why i see people smile and then the weight and i don't understand and i'm scared and i've forgotten where i was going. for now, it is more important to follow my roadmap than to go offroading. i have a good roadmap. i still want to be a rockstar. we'll see what happens with that.

i don't give enough information for you and i give too much information for you and i give enough information for you except that it's the wrong information so it's not even better than nothing.

in middle school we watched the movie ladyhawk every year.

listening to the stones. let it bleed.

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