12.16.00 - 1:14:29

it seems like it would make a lot of sense.

not tired. not at all. not even a little bit. i'm going to go read after i finish doing this and if that doesn't do the trick i'll cave and take my medicine. i haven't had to take it in weeks. i like controlling my own sleep patterns.

so all of my scheduled tests are over, for better or for worse. now only two papers left. i'm not so excited about generating these texts. but it'll get done.

sometimes i want to stop talking because i see all this pretentious faux intelligent bullshit around me and it makes me 1) want to puke 2) cover up everything i've ever done because it's probably the same way 3) stop. por ejemplo: today i explored various personal websites for a short time. one of them belonged to this drugged-out teenaged girl who's very much into the doors and anarchy, from what i could gather, and that's fine. but the thing that bothered me was the word 'apahsia' splashed liberally throughout her website. apahsia. i'm going to make the crazy assumption that she meant aphasia and it's not just that she has a sister or a cat or a basil plant named apahsia. one of my profs told us one time that kids lose a lot of credibility when they write essays about hemmingway. i think it's just life in general. ok, maybe it was a typo, maybe it's dyslexia, maybe the keys are in the wrong places on her keyboard. but it just rubs me the wrong way. i think it's those early spelling bee years coming back to bite me in the ass...

went to a lovely little christmas party tonight. what's fun about going to parties when you never go out anymore is that everyone gets very excited upon seeing you. now, honestly, i don't really think very many of these people actually miss me when i'm not there, but the fanfare is fun.

yesterday i had just about the best bagel i've ever had in my life. it was at this place called the hot bagel shop, on shepherd. i can't remember what intersection, but it's before west gray because that's where i was headed. but yes. as i was saying. a truly excellent bagel. waaaaaay better than any einstein brothers/bagel express/manhattan bagel co. bagel i've ever had. i will be going back there. oh, and the reason i was headed to west gray? a trip to sur la table, this fabulous kitchen store that i never knew existed until hilary informed me about it the other day. they have silver dragees there (among other things). i filled up my basket with all sorts of useless tools and toys and gadgets and then emptied it and bought what i came for -- dragees and a couple of decorator bags. but what a fun store. really.

you know the part in rocky horror where frank wipes his eyes and his makeup streaks down his face? i think i look like that right now. it's pretty bad. there's blue and black and silver involved and it looked a lot better on my eyelids than it does on my cheeks.

it's hard to keep track of days when you don't have classes to mark time for you. i can't believe this semester is over. i think i may have mentioned that sometime before. things change and things don't change and i'm extraordinarily confused about many things, but less panicked than i have been in the past. i thought i was past the moments, however, but apparently that was a ruse. they can still creep up on me. sneaky bastards.

listening to my classic rock playlist. the stones. led zep. hendrix. springsteen. pink floyd. fleetwood mac. the door. various assorted one hit wonders. good times.

angie heard janis joplin's 'mercedes benz' for the first time this year, off of my playlist. i find stuff like that completely shocking. how can you live 20 years in complete isolation from 'mercedes benz'? i swear it's even been on a mercedes benz commercial. but angie just read the unbearable lightness of being, so we can't be too upset with her. what a good book. go read it. after you read absalom, absalom.

i'm thirsty. so i'm going to get some water. and then a book. i should probably start reading those internet+identity books. maybe cyberghetto or cybertopia. ok, it still makes me laugh to think about that title. apparently william gibson coined the word cyberspace in his book neuromancer. now, what's interesting is that i've actually read neuromancer even though i hate sci-fi stuff. we were in india and i ran out of books so i read all of my brother's. even this history of the rise of apple or some other big company. i was rather desperate. but anyway. neuromancer. so gibson coined the word cyberspace on page 51 (depending on your edition, i assume), but i'm reading this and cyberspace is already part of my vocabulary so i don't even notice. i wonder how often little things like that happen.

melissa bought me a box of magnetic poetry last year that somehow got lost in the move. i miss it, but not enough to buy another one. i hatehatehate the way things get lost. funny how no one ever loses things -- they just get lost.

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