1.8.01 - 12:42:24

you know what's a really good song? rock and roll lifestyle. by cake. i'm not all that much into cake, but that song is just cool.

listening to hole. i always liked hole. i even have their first album, pretty on the inside. their first album is not so good. but the next two are lovely. i really like courtney love in general. a lot of kids i went to high school were all hostile about her and harboring all this anger because they blamed her for what happened to kurt cobain. but it wasn't her fault. she's dating a geffen records exec now. i'd rather see her with a rock star, but whatever.

my sheets are stacked on top of my bed. i will not sleep without sheets. i won't. i'll put those sheets on. from now on, though, i put them on the minute they're out of the dryer. i can't wait until it's not cold again and i can use my other sheets. this was the most boring paragraph ever written.

st. etienne. heart failed. good song. i think some other group actually did the original. reminds me a little of massive attack with a different vocalist. also a little bit like air. i'm trying to think of someone to compare this chick's voice to but i can't. i hate that.

i can't find my watch. it's not exactly a crisis but close.

i can't find my words, either, it seems. i've been thinking about fate a lot lately. and wondering if the course our lives are already decided for us or what. the whole concept of humanity is so strange to me sometimes. i wonder what it's like to be a dog or a cat or a giraffe. i wonder if there really are bigger cognizant beings. i feel so stupid all of a sudden. like, this is the kind of thing i used to think about when i was 8. i should probably move on. i don't know. it just seems weird to me. the whole living thing. half of the world works just so they can acquire stuff and half of the world works so they can make the world better for other people. maybe my proportions aren't exact, ok. but seriously, it just seems like this endless preparation and buildup for what? more build. more tension. more anxiety. i feel the same way about standardized tests. like, you have to get past them just so you can get to another one. i just want to travel. i made a list recently of things to do. 1) scuba/snorkel 2) skydive 3) learn to sail 4) fly around the world 5) new things. i don't understand why people want money to get stuff. a big house. a big car. fancy clothes. big dogs. big guest houses. big vacation homes. you're always working so you can buy more but you never get to live in the now.

i'm always thinking about the future but in a totally different way. i don't suppose i have much room to talk about this anyway. i can't remember all that well what living in the now is. or do people do that at all anymore?

in other news i haven't heard from dave in a while. wonder how he's doing. hey dave, if you happen upon this you should drop me a line. i heard take five in four on the radio on the way to the airport in miami and thought about you. a violation, i agree.

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