2.8.01 - 11:28:16

the funny thing about life is that once you forget which way up is, it doesn't really bother you so much to have everything turned upside down. as long as you don't look around too much, you can't really tell where you are, anyway.

and you worry and i worry and they worry, and you know, everyone's always worrying, so maybe that doesn't matter so much, either. maybe it's the only thing that matters. maybe we can't ever really know, because honestly, who's to tell us what matters, anyway?

how does the hot water get used up, anyway? you have a hot water heater. why is there only a finite amount of water that can be heated? why can there only be so many dishes washed, clothes laundered, showers taken, baths run before it's just cold? i don't really understand. not the only thing i don't understand. when you're me, i think it's only more things that are completely incomprehensible sometimes. sometimes i know i've taken a bath and used all the hot water and maybe i've run the washing machine or the dishwasher, too. so i can tell you that it's not a good time for you to take a shower, but you know, depending on how badly (and quickly) you need to get clean, you might just take that shower anyway. and maybe you just didn't believe me and next time you'll listen. or maybe you knew exactly what was going to happen, but you were willing to make that sacrifice and brave that cold water because you knew you had to. and we can't really ever tell which is which.

angie and i are doing presentaciones sobre cuba tomorrow. we're going to bring some tortillas and queso para la clase. from taco cubana. ha ha. aren't we cute? (it's really taco cabana, for those of you in the dark). we could also call it taco havana. oh, man, i should do this for a living.

heh. do what, exactly? yeah.

i've never been a big fan of promises. because it's like, of course you mean them when you're making them. because that's the person you are at the time. but people change, right, and then it's not your promise anymore. i hate how that works, but i do it all the time, too. it's funny how many things you can justify by saying, well, i meant that "at the time." i've done it. you've done it. we've all done it. there aren't any rules. and maybe we all just need to quit pretending that there are. go lord of the flies on everyone.

you know what i really wish existed? soma vacations. remember brave new world, grasshoppers? yeah. soma. you know, i understand that the all alpha island turned out to be a bad, bad plan in the end and like, they all killed each other because they all delegated authority but no one would actually do anything, but man, there are times when i just think it'd be so much easier if i lived in an alpha society. or you know, not even an alpha society. it could be a lower class. just everyone the same would be the key, you know.

it would be boring, you say? boring and most likely completely unmanageable and improbable. did you ever read jonathan swift's 'a modest proposal'? that was a random insert, i don't know why i thought about it, besides the world improbable. anyway. you're probably right. and i guess i couldn't do anything to change the improbable or unmanageable, but you know, boring wouldn't be so bad sometimes. because you get to a point where it's just like, enough already, enough surprises. i just want everything to stay the same, just for a minute. you know?

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