3.15.01 - 7:43:51

sometimes i just put all my random mp3s on a playlist and lie on my bed and read and listen. then whenever one strikes me as really cool i get up and go to look who it is if i don't recognize it. today the cool group appears to be built to spill. i think about 85% of the times i got up, it was them. i guess by the end i sorta knew it was them because it sounded like them so maybe i was cheating a leetle, but hell, it was still good stuff. so yeah. built to spill. plus it's a cool name.

'it wasn't cool when he dropped this class and like, i really miss him being here. cause like, he's a cool guy. so i wrote this poem for him because like, when he dropped this class, i was dev-- well, i wasn't devastated, but i told him i was devastated, you know, and yeah, i wrote this poem for him"
"we won't tell him you weren't really devastated...it'll be our little secret"
"yeah...that would be cool. our secret."

i don't really like outkast. a lot of people whose musical tastes i definitely respect seem to like outkast a lot. i don't know that i understand why, really. ms. jackson annoys the shit out of me. and i guess bombs over baghdad never made me want to give it a chance. and naming your album stankonia? i mean, really. you're not asking me to take you seriously, not even a little bit.

i think the games section of the LSAT is totally fun. does that make me a big dork? probably not, but i'm guessing all the other stuff does, huh.

the toothpaste i bought yesterday came with a free toothbrush. WOO-HOO!!!!! see, sometimes you just have to go with what you're given.

dear lyn, i will make you the cinnamon-chip applesauce coffee cake if you go out purchase applesauce and cinnamon chips. do the rest of you find it amusing that i communicate with my roommates using this webpage? don't worry, i talk to them too. sometimes.

tonight=requiem for a dream at rice media center. yay. yay yay yay. right before i go i'm going to have to convince myself that the movie actually sucked in order to enjoy it as much as i want to, i think. so i'm gonna start doing that now. the important thing is to manufacture things about the movie that sucked, not to recognize actual faults in the movie. because like, the actual faults will still be in the movie. and then i'll just concentrate on them and it really will be less enjoyable. so yes. making up negative things about the movie. like the dancing cow -- what the hell was that?*

when angie was in high school they had some crazy rivalry with a high school whose mascot was the eagle. so when they'd get ready to play the eagles, their spirit club would make these little chickens out of little pom-pons (yes, that's how you spell it) and pipe cleaners and googly eyes and safety pin them onto their clothes and be like, ha ha, the eagles are chickens. um....yeah. anyway, i told her we should wear them to the movie tonight. and when people give us funny looks and ask us what they're for, we should look knowingly at each other and then tell them, condescendingly, of course, 'well...clearly you haven't seen the film yet*.' and then run out of the theater while the credits are rolling and everyone's sitting there, stunned in their seats.

thinking about music and art and writing is really the one thing that makes me see things in a positive light sometimes. well, every now and then, anyway. sometimes i feel like i want to stick around here just because there's no way i could ever get all i wanted of any of these things. and every day i have is one more day that lets me discover a new painting or a new composer or a new writer. so it would be to my advantage to have as many of these days as possible because it would be impossible for me to ever assuage this hunger for beautiful things. but then in my pessimistic moods all i can think about is the inadequacy of what i will be able to experience and how much i will never be a part of, no matter how long i live. because the body of work is just so large. and growing every single day. and the more i get, the more i'll want, and the more i know, the more i'll want to know, and the gap between here and now and where i want to be will just get bigger and bigger and bigger and i will feel smaller and smaller and smaller and then each day just seems like chinese water torture or something.

jana and i discussed the way i see the same things in completely different ways depending on my moods and if i could possibly consciously alter the way i look at things in order to subconsciously alter my mood. i don't know if that sentence really made sense, but i think you get what i'm saying. but it's hard. it's hard to look outside at night and make sunshine.

i'm going to go lie on the couch for a little while. i'm glad it stopped raining. but i hope it starts again after i get home and go to bed.

*there are neither dancing cows nor pom-pon chickens in requiem for a dream...but wouldn't it be funny if there were?

previous - next