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4.22.01 - 8:37

if i hold my breath i might get out of here alive. sometimes it's a tossup and i don't know what i should be doing, maybe i should be taking huge, desperate gulps of air. apparently it is acceptable to name your child uva, but in the us you probably would not name your child grape. in sevilla they swallow the -ado on past participles. this is good to know.

it's not cold in here but i'm a little bit cold. maybe i will put on my jacket. she's sitting there across the way with a turquoise shirt on and turquoise on her neck and ears to match and it's refreshing with the reddish hair. happy earth day. i'm hiding, you know.

i'll sit here and look very, very busy so you won't think i'm approachable. you don't think i'm approachable, anyway, because i'm not. no one makes that mistake anymore. you would talk to me if i didn't look like i was concentrating so intently. you wonder what i'm thinking about and i'm thinking about looking like i'm thinking about something really hard. that's not the whole truth. the voices don't ever really quiet down. you know that. when did you start checking for rings before you asked for a number?

see, time passes and things just get weird. it doesn't matter what time zone you're in because we're just dividing our lives and measuring in sunups and sundowns when, yes, we could be measuring in love. or report cards or speeding tickets. or calories and fat grams. life is so long.

'so you wanna be a rock and roll star, well, listen now to what i say...just get an electric guitar, take some time, learn how to play...learn how to play...'

the byrds. tahiti 80 does a cute cover. but i think my favorite is adam duritz singing it as a prelude to mr jones on the unplugged disc of the across the wire set. it's lovely. really is. like the very beginning of farmhouse. yeah. in the farmhouse, it'll be alright. huh.

people drop off the face of the earth sometimes and it's strange because you don't feel any less connected maybe. i'm thinking about you but i don't even know where you're spending your time these days. no, that's not true. i know exactly where the time goes, curling up and drifting away, yeah, i know where it goes.

i'm unbreakable, you know. like glass.

i have not received any new email in the past ten minutes and my sinus cavities hurt. stupid sinus cavities. ten more minutes and i can go home and beat my head against the wall. metaphorically speaking. maybe. depends on how much i still hurt when i get home.

sometimes you just can't take it, you know. you try to be gracious and you try to be patient and you try to be all of those positive things and you just can't because there's too much and you're pretending too much for too many people and you never did a decent job of being someone else anyway and it's all piling up, i can see 1) a shaky tower of blocks getting taller and taller and taller 2) a ball of clay getting bigger and bigger and bigger and eventually you know what's going to happen, we're going to fall or we're going to fall. and by we i mean i. this is when i want everyone to step back out of my sphere just for a minute. i can't breathe. but maybe it's not so bad. you never realize what you can do without until you're doing without it.

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