this is where we look for things
6.8.01 - 2:41
someone's screaming. someone LOVES(!) something. oh, people get way too excited about completely unexciting things. i bet it's a soup spoon. or a shot glass. maybe even a jar of dirt. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! ok. we understand. you LOVE IT!!! yeah. great.
and where are you now? haligh, haligh, haligh, a lie. yeah. bright eyes. check it out.
the steps of buildings that are often referred to as "hallowed institutions" often have these soft indentations in the centers of them, where hundreds and thousands of people have stepped as they climb the hallowed stairs. so when you climb those stairs, you think, my, this is really a hallowed institution, look at these stairs. ha. and you're part of it, too, now. someone else will come by tomorrow and those stairs are just a millimeter more important after your tramp up and down. oh, how exciting. and then there's the other thing.
the guy stands there selling evening newspapers as you get off the train. would you like an evening paper, he asks. you never want an evening paper, but he will always ask, and he is always there. so this is the sort of thing that leads you to wonder if he is leaving his own mark in the concrete, if it dips every day beneath his weight, just a little bit. and you think, ok, this is not exciting or alive because this is the mark of stasis. the slow depression of his weight, never shifting, his feet always in the same place. you might wonder if he ever moves. as far as you know, he is always there and maybe he sells morning papers and afternoon papers as well. but no, you know he isn't there in the morning. or is he. you can see him there when you picture the scene. you will check tomorrow.
'...baby, baby, baby, come back...can't you see...i'm on a losing streak...'
oh hello, he said. it was a blank but cheerful hello and then he looked over his shoulder and said, hey, where did the stairs go?
it's easy to get stuck when you think about something like the number fifteen and there doesn't seem to be any reason to go forwards or backwards or sideways at all, ever, not now, not tomorrow, not three years from now, because fifteen is so round and lovely and perfect. or it might be twenty-seven. or it might be the word circle. or you know, whatever, but it feels like home and you can't imagine anything lonelier than moving on. or maybe it's that girl with the hair and the eyes, no wait, THE hair and THE eyes.
you should talk to ian because ian is a lawyer, but ian writes books. you should talk to ian because even though he is a lawyer, he has maintained his creative side. did i mention he writes books? and that he's a lawyer? oh, how exciting. but then when you ask the larger questions, ok, the book is e-commerce and internet law in three massive volumes and this isn't exactly the kind of writing i had in mind, and neither is john grisham, but thank you, i understand that you are well-meaning.
