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7.5.01 - 10:40

a note: punk bands should not sing about large concepts like love or happiness being in the lost and found. it may feel profound and meaningful at some point, and maybe, maybe it sounds kinda cool, but honestly. it's a stupid metaphor and you're just going to hate yourself in the morning so please, do yourself a favor. really.

crazy/sad, crazy/odd, crazy/silly, crazy/stupid, crazy/sick, crazy/eccentric, crazy/beautiful?

guess we'll have to find out later.

i am going to be seriously devastated if i miss this. i think only a very small percentage of you can really know how upset i would be. i'm not going to stress about it right now. just hope there's a europe tour while i'm still in europe. or something will have to be done. really. no, i mean it. you can't understand.

something's stuck. or broken. it is funny when you watch yourself and you appear to be functioning normally but really you know things are different. and here you are, watching yourself and watching them next to you, the way he moves his hands, the way she tips the glass to her lips, the slowspeed graceful liquid motion, you're watching and you're moving in time with them and hoping things are ok, hoping no one stops moving because then you wouldn't know what was going on, if you were too fast or too slow or too whatever else. just off. it doesn't matter too much, i suppose, but sometimes it makes all the difference. how fast the words come out of your mouth, how fast the vocal chords are vibrating, there are differences between talking to elephants, to whales, to people, to dogs and bats. you have to be very careful about this sometimes. if you want people to hear you anyway. sometimes it feels better just to talk and talk and talk and know that absolutely no one in a room full of people has any idea that words are coming out of your mouth. oh, you've perfected it. you can't even see your lips move. well, maybe a tiny bit, like a fish breathing in water, the mouth a precious letter 'o,' collapsing and opening and collapsing and opening, oh my god, it hits you, you only think that fish is breathing but maybe it's trying to tell you something and then you think you're a little crazy and then you think maybe i am silent and i am just trying to breathe.

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