8.2.01 - 10:23

you can listen to the entire cd sitting there rocking back and forth without being conscious of that but it will be very clear at the end of the cd that the most inspired track is the second one. now i'm not saying the only one, but some people will. of course some people will say anything.

see, lately i've been feeling very uninspired. sometimes i get very very excited about sevilla. it comes and goes. well, i guess it never really goes, it just gets hidden behind these other voices and shadows. i'm looking forward to it. one month exactly tomorrow. crazy, huh.

but back to my original train of thought. i'm feeling very uninspired. i can't write lately. i recently came up with a wonderful idea for my book. format and style and whatnot. remember how i was going to write it over the summer? yeah, i really was, but no access to a computer after dark can really shut me down. i can't write pen to paper anymore. just can't do it.

there are reasons; there are reasons for everything even if they don't make any sense to you at all.

i skipped work today. i couldn't drag myself out of bed. too hard. i guess that's what happens after a week or two getting by on a couple hours of sleep a night. don't worry about me though. i caught up today. i'm a little worried that i won't be able to sleep tonight, but whatever, i'm rested up, it won't really matter for tomorrow. my last day of work. insane.

a cd changer is such a wonderful thing, loaded up with those cds you can listen to all the way through. melissa and i would always include weezer, the first album. i mean, it's just so happy. how could you leave it out?

i didn't go to work today. i guess it's normal to stay home one day all summer. i guess.

it's already 10:40. i don't understand how that happens. well, i understand, please don't write me to explain how time passes. on the other hand, i can't really imagine anyone really understands how time passes. it's here and then it's gone, but not really, because it's always going, right, and we've just made up clocks and things to help us get a handle on it. sometimes we're so pompous. time zones. i mean, honestly.

my foot is so completely asleep. you could come slice off my toes and i'm pretty sure i'd be in shock or whatever before i actually felt it. completely asleep. as i hope i'll be in about 15 minutes.

see, sometimes what happens is that all the words in your head are trying to escape and they're all crawling over each other and the light is coming in, but it's so faint, it's so tiny, and they all scurrying and scratching around like rats or cockroaches, moving towards this sliver, no, this point of light and that opening is just so small and they're all so packed together, one on top of another, just one big squirming mass of words and none of them can get out and they all just have to lie there and claw and fight and climb but it's perfectly clear from the outside that there's no way they're going to get out, you know?

it's like mr. burns and all of his diseases, acting in concert to keep him completely healthy.

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