9.29.01 - 12:49

maybe i shouldn't be listening to the counting crows right now. maybe i dreamt i saw you walking up a hillside in the snow. maybe i woke up and it was true. it's raining in sevilla. i don't much like it. it's 12:53. this weather makes me want to go and hibernate until it's over. last night i thought i'd go out and i showered and shaved my legs and then i got out the lotion and the pajamas and realized i had no desire at all to get wet again. i don't really know what other people did. they called me, which was nice, but i went to bed. and slept.

listened to poe's haunted on repeat and stared at the g-force visualization fullscreen on my ordenador. yeah, that's computer in espa�a. found a list of thrift stores in sevilla. tiendas de ropa de segunda mano. makes sense, huh. stared at the screen, swirl, twist, colors, like i was falling into it. the other day i said, heidi, i just wanted some quiet but we were in the cafeteria and i was sitting there with my back to the world and people were supposed to join me but i didn't even care enough to turn around. every few minutes i would think, maybe i should turn around and see what the world is up to but honestly i didn't care so i didn't turn around. my stomach was in knots and the food smells were very unhelpful but then the noise was so loud it started to block out everything else, the light, the heat, the scents, and then it rose up behind me like a wall and i thought, my god, dios mio, i could stand up and lean against this sound, it is so fuerte and the truth of it made me a little sicker and then i felt someone's hand in my hair, on my shoulder and then they sat down and i blinked and i put my notebook away. see, things do remain the same.

yes, i know, we were together at a very tumultuous time in our lives.

el trueno. el rel�mpago. i love it when the sound of this, when the music is so loud that everyone and everything else disappears and it's all just black and deep and empty and strong and so so hungry.

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