10.10.01 - 11:31

esqueletos de mundos, embriones de astros y fragmentos de lunas...

don't come in here and speak german. no, like, seriously. quit it. QUIT IT. today we had a class and i said, sir, i don't think we should have class, of course i said this in espa�ol and he asked me why and i said, well, i am tired and feeling a little bit under the weather and i don't really want to discuss the european union right now. and so then we talked about paris and various and asundry things and then he said well, ok, we won't have class today and it was very lovely. heidi and i are going to the movies tonight, i think. to see los otros. hope it's good. it's quite lovely outside but for some reason all i want to do is avoid everyone and lay quietly in my bed. i suppose it's just the upswing-downswing of it all though. i sat out on a bench on the far side of campus and sipped surprisingly good coffee from a vending machine while i read various rimas y leyendas de b�cquer. la creaci�n speaks of hinduism and he mentions maya and what the footnote has to say about her is this: Maya: madre de la naturaleza y de los dioses de segundo orden, relacionada con Brahma, encarna la ilusi�n c�smica, el conjunto de los fen�menos enga�osos y cambiantes que acompa�an la vida del hombre y es causa de la individualidad de los seres. now my spanish reading skills have vastly improved and i don't even need to translate into english in my head, at least not word-by-word, and it's getting to the point where i can read in espa�ol almost as quickly as i can in english, which is pretty damn fast. but yeah, i suppose i can't say the same about your spanish reading skills, so if you want to get the gist of that, here. oh, you guys. it's just one of those days. you know what i mean. later, after the vending machine cafe con leche i wandered back into edificio 16 and the area by the windows was deserted and so i sat in the windowsill and watched people pass below me and read rimas while i watched them pass and i lost myself in the words, in the distance, me perd� a lo lejos. right. so then when he came up to me and said hello i wasn't ready for it and i didn't want to speak to him but i did and i guess it was ok. but sometimes when he talks to me i don't even listen. i might nod, maybe, i might even throw in a word or two every now and again but i'm not listening and i don't want to be listening and there's so very little that matters. i mean, really. it's 12:03 which means it's 5:03 back in the states and no one is going to be awake to talk to me. oh well. i don't really feel like talking to anyone, i just feel like sitting and being and maybe eating a sandwich or something but i have a feeling we're having paella. sigh. i think we may go to a bullfight this friday seeing as it looks like it's the last one in sevilla this season. a group is going to paris tomorrow for three days and i had such a hard time explaining to them what a clich�, if only visually, paris is. i mean, the eiffel tower. you've seen it in movies and postcards, in daydreams and magazines. and then you go and see it and you think, ok, i've seen it, and then you take a picture that looks like a postcard and there's just something anticlimactic about the whole mess. i mean, i guess it's cool though. i'm glad i've seen it and all. the arc d'triomphe. the same. sacre coeur. montmartre. what i loved the most about paris was the louvre and i.m. pei's glass pyramid and all of that. what i loved second best was le cimeti�re du p�re-lachaise and it wasn't the morbidity of it, i don't know, it was just something, the feel of it all. b�cquer comments, �Dios m�o, qu� solos se quedan los muertos! and maybe that has something to do with it. it's kinda cold in this lab. i'm done. �Te r�es?...Alg�n d�a, sabr�s, ni�a, por qu�; mientras t� sientes mucho y nada sabes, yo que no siento ya, todo lo s�. i just stuck that in altavista and the translation sucked. so i'll give you the gist, guys. 'you laugh? one day, young girl, you will know why; while you feel much and know nothing, i feel nothing, yet i know all.' or maybe it's something a little more like this.

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