11.08.01 - 12:21

last night we went to carboner�a like many monday and tuesday nights to see free flamenco dancing and singing and guitarring. yes i know that's not a word. thanks. so we went to carboner�a and looked around and ran into jos� juan and chechu, whose real name is afrodisio but he goes by chechu and we will refer to him as such for the duration. bueno. so we grab a seat and start chatting away. there are many many words for chat in spanish. i think my favorite is charlar. isn't that pretty? anyway, so we're talking and i guess there were other people around, endres, heidi, ben, two random british guys named will and stu, but mostly it was me and endres talking to jos� juan and chechu.

this is a long exposition.

chechu is a strange character. tell us a story, we say. ok, he replies. he starts telling this story in broken english and it's so so cute. it goes like this: one day a man was writing a book on sunday. there was a ram. he was eating on a mountain. he was eating cheeseburgers. many cheeseburgers. and then his friend who is an elephant comes. and the elephant is very hungry but he does not like cheeseburgers. he likes coconuts. he wants to eat coconuts all the days. but he has no money. the coconuts cost much. but if you get two cheeseburgers you can get one coconut for no money. but the ram is full of meal. he eats many many cheeseburgers and now he is full of meal. so the elephant cannot get coconut.

(he pauses)

the end, the end i forget but it is very good end. also it is true this story.

oh my god. i could not stop laughing. i made him tell it three other times because it was just so funny. you have to say it out loud with a spanish accent for the full effect. chechu was very raro. what else did we talk about? we talked about life and ghosts and cigarettes. in spanish of course.

tell ME a story, he says to me. well, i say, my life is very boring, no tengo nada para contarte. (jos� juan offers us all cigarettes) no thanks, i say. i don't smoke. oh, but if your life is so boring, you should smoke, he says. you will die sooner. my grandmother is 92 and sits in front of the television all day but if she would smoke she would die sooner. chechu says, very seriously, i am going to live more than 100 years. oh, i say, and how do you know this. (are you imagining this convo in spanish? i mean, at least try to, ok. it's funnier.) someone told me. oh really, who told you? this woman. this woman, do you know her? no, she just told me i would live more than 100 years. oh...did she tell you this on the street? oh, no, she told me on the telephone. i see, did you call a psychic you saw on tv? no, she called ME. oh, i say, how interesting. yes, i picked up the phone and said, hello, and she said, you will live more than 100 years. interesting, i say. and then i looked at the caller id and it was all blank. whooooa...creepy, i tell him. was it a ghost? oh no, he says, ghosts always talk with the voice of a little girl, la voz de ni�a.

he says this as if i'm retarded for not knowing this. how do you know, i ask. oh, well, i talk to many ghosts. i see. i tell him about the ghost in my old house, the one that moved things around but didn't talk. oh, chechu says, he talked, you just couldn't hear him. ah. of course. so yeah, i tell him how he just moved stuff and i asked for it back and he'd give it back later. oh, he says, un jugat�n, a playful ghost. yes. a jugat�n. well, you know what he wanted, right? um, no. well, apparently the ghost wanted sex. how do you know this, chechu? well, i have talked to many ghosts and i ask them many questions. ohhh. he looks at me and asks very earnestly, have you ever had sex with a ghost? um, no, i say. have you? oh yes, he says, with a wistful sigh. it's better than with people, he says, muy gracioso. um, how does that work sin cuerpo, without a body? he looks at me again like i'm retarded. it's too difficult to explain, he says, i can't tell you how it is done exactly, but it is very good. i see, i say. you are a little crazy, i say. no, he says, i am very much not crazy.

oh, chechu. and no, he wasn't drunk. not even a little bit. and no, he wasn't on drugs. he's just...how do you say...oh, i don't know. i think i'd have to go with crazy.

but muy gracioso.

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