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01.19.02 - 10:21

1. dust off radiohead's ok computer and put it in the cd player. 2. think about the way things used to be. it isn't the feeling of happy or sad or angry. it just is. yes, i remember pablo honey and puff paint. i remember pool parties and bonfires on the golf course and i remember when you said forever but more importantly i remember when i said forever and now i don't even care. i used to get all dramatic about things like that and later when i would think about them i would use words like burn and crumble and i would say things with a straight face. it was cold in winter and hot in summer and light in the day and dark at night and nothing ever changed.

it might have been wanting too much. it might have been simple masochism. it might have been bad fucking luck. it might have been any number of things and none of them matter now. i promise that i'll be ok but i can't make any guarantees about you. i can't promise that i'm going to be ok. i'm losing sight of you and maybe one day i thought such things were within the bounds of reason and today i know that it's just too much to ask.

dark smoky rooms and too many lists. waiting up at night wrapped up in blankets and listening to bjork. writing in black or blue ink. candles dripping wax onto scarred wood. the man who put your bag in the overhead compartment. a slow dinner in a golden room. being there except not. did you already say the white stripes? we were listening to them three years ago, remember? we were. like it matters.

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