08.29.02 - 9:49

it's late again and i have my dsl and i'm back here. it's good to be back. i'm not sure exactly what's on my mind right now. i miss jana. law school just started and studying and getting back into the swing of things is hard. i don't know what i'm going to do with my life. sometimes all i want to do is break free of everything and just float around the world. i'm listening to new tori and she's touring this fall. i can't wait.

sometimes it's like i can look down the road and i don't like the person i become ten years from now. and then i blink and it's so hard to think past today, this hour, this minute and then i think about ten years and my mind just goes blank. some people don't like living by themselves. i love it. i think i could do this forever. yeah, i like being around other people. sometimes. some people. i like being by myself always. even in the sad times. you know in the sad times that no one could make you feel better just by being there. it's so much better to sit here in the dark and cry by myself when i need to. i don't think the sad will ever go away but i've gotten used to it and it's not so bad.

this city fits me like a glove, not too big, not too small, not too flashy, not too dull. when i walk down the street some people look at me and some people don't and i like it that way. i don't like to leave here. it really feels like home. my apartment really feels like home. i leave here and all i really think about while i'm gone is coming back. maybe it's also about this apartment, being alone. i can't really be alone anywhere else. and sometimes it just hurts too much to want anyone around at all. maybe a lot of times. i don't know.

it's just an empty cage, girl, if you kill the bird.

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