this is where we look for things
10.01.02 - 9:23
you think about all the things you've done all the places you've seen all the people you've met. everywhere you've ever gone. everything you've ever tasted. everything you've ever felt. we're so young. last night i put bunches of pictures on one of my living room walls. two horizontal rows. one vertical row. another half of a horizontal row. scattered pictures here and there like polka dots, like excuses, like hiccups. i can look at them and remember being inside of those pictures. i like looking at them without my contacts in. they all blur together and it's like all those episodes in my life are just blotches of color and they blend together and everything is just beautiful. i don't know. but then you look again and it just looks so incomplete, you're missing so many colors, there are so many empty spots. i want all the blues and greens and pinks and purples, i want all the orangey-reds and the reddish-oranges. it's not the colors of the rainbow i'm talking about; it's so much more. big dreams, you know. it's so hard to make those big dreams come true.
tonight my fortune cookie said something like, "you have a very ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself." may make a name for myself? since when do fortune cookies hedge their bets?
my patty griffin tickets came in today.
sometimes i feel like when i have the most things to say i can only use other people's words. songs. music. it's like too much of me is given over to the feeling and being and there's nothing left to do the thinking anymore. i love to be alone in the dark. i am listening to bob schneider's 'king of the world' over and over and over again, mostly because i love the lines about the big dreams. but they happen so early into the song (1 minute in, if you want to know) and the song's so long (10 minutes) but you can't just start it over, it makes you listen to the whole thing and then you're at the beginning and then he's singing about those big dreams again and you didn't even notice how long it took you to get back around. it's quiet in the dark. you're quite a quiet domino. i know. i know.
