10.16.02 - 10:10

she sat across from me and i thought she had blue eyes at first or maybe grey but then she really looked up and i saw they were just foggy with cataracts. her hair was the color of steel and marcelled sorta stiffly all over her head. i don't even know if she was really looking at me or if she was looking past me or if she was looking through me. i don't have anything to read anymore and i'm listening to massive attack on my headphones and my hair is sticking up in a pink halo because i slept on it after i showered and went straight to school. she was sitting right across from me and she looked tired but even still she'd taken the time to get all made up to go out. thin lips painted pink. a hint of blush on papery cheeks. small vanities, eyebrows penciled in, dark and chalky on crumpled pale skin.

the woman in the mission was older and she referred to herself as grandma. as in, honey, if you're ever in a time of need, you tell grandma and grandma will pray for you. i helped her write an essay so her granddaughter could get into st. ignatius. her daughter's daughter, but her daughter died. it's so sad. but she took those kids in like they were her own and she doesn't know how to read or write as well as most people but she does know how to pray and she prays all the time, for everyone. she pulled the pages of her draft out of a manila folder. they were torn out of a spiral notebook and covered in the sort of round, loopy handwriting that we all learn in grade school. she wanted to read it to me and i let her and even though they were her own words (and i know they were) she had to sound them out as she went, stumbling over vowels and consonants, just trying to get from word to word. i typed up her draft for her. we made some changes. we prettied it up. she was so happy with the letter at the end that she wanted to give me money. i told her we didn't take money. she insisted, oh, honey, let grandma pay for a nice dinner for you tonight. i told her no again. i told her she could take that money and give it to the church. say a prayer for me if she wanted. she said she would and i watched her back as she walked away.

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