02.14.03 - 11:07

valentine's day is just another day where things happen and time passes. except in school. all the clocks at school right now are stuck on 4:10. they've been that way for a couple of days. it's like my worst nightmare. i haven't worn a watch in months and i'm only now realizing exactly how many times i look at those clocks during a class period. we're talking about civil procedure. i check the clock. it's still 4:10. we're talking about contracts. i check the clock. it's still 4:10. we're talking about immigration law or property or any number of things and i check the clock and it's still 4:10. i must check that clock twenty times in an hour. the illusion of time standing still while you're listening to some prof go on and on about the rule against perpetuities is torture. after the first day i thought about getting a watch. but then i didn't care really so i didn't. i really hope they fix the clocks over the weekend.

worked with a number of interesting people at the civil harrassment clinic today, including one woman with the biggest rock i've ever seen in real life on her ring finger. i mean, HUGE. and flanked by still huge, but smaller stones. and then her wedding band had to be studded with diamonds too. as soon as she left the attorney and both of the other students looked at me and asked, "did you SEE..." and i finished "...that ring?!?!?" and we all bust out laughing. i seriously believe that law school is warping my sense of humor. i also laughed at at least three of brad's jokes tonight, and every time made my brother laugh at me for laughing at such a dumb joke. half the time he wasn't even trying to be funny. like i said. things just get weird sometimes.

recently i dream such vivid crazy dreams that they wake me up. and when i wake up, i'm completely alert, ready to face the day. oh, except that it's 2am. 3am. 4am. 5am. 6am. 7am. 8am. i get out of bed and shower. 9 am. i fix myself a bowl of cereal. i still manage to be about three minutes late to class every day. i'm not sure how it happens but i've sorta learned to accept it (as have my professors). the blind grading thing is nice.

i have a lot of beautiful creative thoughts lately but the energy is lacking. i'm lying in bed and composing these eloquent little essays and the words fit together so well and the sounds flow so smoothly and i want to write it down or type it out but the pen is so far away and the computer's all the way in the living room...i try to remember these pretty things but when i finally make it to the living room it's not just the words that are gone, it's everything, the spirit, the image, the feeling of it. i don't know where it goes. i just know i can't put it on paper right now. i can't tie it down. i don't have the energy to hold it in my head long enough to share it with anyone. i end up going back to bed feeling defeated, a little empty. and then i think, well, maybe it wasn't really that beautiful anyway. and then i turn out the lights.

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