this is where we look for things
04.01.03 - 12:21
where are you now? the sunlight today is filtered through clouds and falls on us dimly, grey. i don't think you ever really understood. i don't think you ever will, but i don't blame you, i really don't.
the coffee's gone ice cold.
i leave traces of me everywhere i go. it never snows here, but it never snowed there either and we don't miss it, no we don't. not a bit. you can't miss what you never had, right.
the war is everywhere and helicopters hover above the city like buzzards, a constant reminder. how must it feel, i wonder, the bombs falling at all hours of the night, packing up your life in a rusty old truck, moving forward, the fear, always moving, fast, faster, FASTER...you can't outrun it though, it's always right there with you, the specter of death, the explosions, the horror, the tears, the pain. look at their faces, i said. just look.
we zipped over the bay bridge the other day, the sun warm and bright on our faces, the wind whipping through our hair, stinging our cheeks. i thought i heard you in the quiet roar, babbling about hair like liquid fire, about violence set to classical music, about nothing.
everything's coming apart and the wheels are falling off and every day is just a little bit harder than the one before. what is it about? smoke and mirrors, drama, emptiness. i don't really know anymore. or maybe i never did.
