this is where we look for things
05.14.03 - 10:36
it's always a rollercoaster but now it's like time is condensed and i go from exhilarated to giddy to ok to bored to upset to depressed to sobbing on the floor all in one day. it's so not fair.
no, no, no. it's gone and i'm broken and when i try to feel things there's an empty space where the feelings used to be. i spent four or five hours cutting pictures out of magazines and after a while what seems like random can turn into something different. fire and light and creation and destruction. half dark, half light, but not just any light, it's flame, it's sunlight on metal, it's a burning building, it's a flashlight, it's intensity that makes you hurt. and then there's the dark, not black, more sepia-toned, earth colors, what we came from. and then the words on top and the words that don't make sense to me right now so i'll put them aside and they'll show themselves to me later.
sometimes i hurt so much i can't breathe.
