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06.23.03 - 11:50 i'm typing in the dark and whenever i lift my hands from the keys i get lost and i have to start all over again. but if i keep my fingers in place they know where everything is and it's almost like i can see. i thought i was going to sleep but i don't know what happened. so i got up and now i'm sitting here. i don't know. i felt better but i knew (somewhere) that it wasn't going to last even though i wanted it so badly. and now i can't stop crying. i don't feel anything though. it's like i'm just one big empty black hole. sometimes i feel like i'm like the worst person i know. i'm forever inflicting myself on people and leaving them with all these messes to deal with while i walk away just as empty as i was before. it's like all the hurt i could possibly take comes from inside me and nothing else bothers me. i'm just not right for this world. or this world's just not right for me. i wish i could just wake up and have it all figured out one day. i wish so many things.
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