this is where we look for things
08.17.03 - 8:20
cuts heal and bruises fade but the pain remains, waiting under your skin, waiting for you to drop your guard. every time i allow myself to think i'm getting better something inside breaks and i can't stop crying. every time i allow myself to think i'm getting better makes it that much harder when i'm not. i don't know where to put these tears.
i look through my phone numbers and email addresses and there isn't one person that i want to talk to right now but i feel so very alone. she said, you are loved, you are loved by so many. i know. but it doesn't make it hurt any less. i'm so sick of feeling this way. it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's NOT FAIR.
what is it that makes you finish all the things you start? who knows. i never leave things unfinished but i'm starting to drop pieces of my life my body my mind.
a deserted island maybe, somewhere tropical with a beach and blue blue water. coconuts and white sand. will you take me there?
tracing the colors like tracing pain. i'm not sure how it started but it could only end badly, she said. i would probably do it the same way if i had another chance, she said, even if it's the wrong way. she's in her bedroom ordering pizza and when it gets here she's going to eat it.
