08.24.03 - 8:29

it's funny how things happen, she thought, as she walked aimlessly among the produce. never know what i want, she thought, never and it's all right in front of me; all i have to do is choose.

but there are some problems. we'll enumerate them. 1: she is unable to turn her head. it's uncertain how this happened; she woke up one day and that was that. it's not always so bad, but it scares her to drive. she also misses being able to look behind her, because who knows who could be behind her? she holds her keys like a knife and walks with heavy steps, purposefully. always look like you're going somewhere. don't ever let them see your fear. 2: it's not attention deficit disorder; it's something different. or maybe not. too many synapses firing in her brain, too much information to process all at once. her reflexes have slowed, not a good thing in mosquito season. before she would feel them settle on her and there was always time to slap at them, to watch them explode on her skin. sometimes she was a little slow and could only watch them fly away. at least they flew away denied, unsatisfied, hungry. they never left a mark. but now she doesn't feel them land anymore. she only realizes what's happened when she feels the tiny prick, the sting, and by then it's too late. sometimes she tries to kill them; she hardly ever succeeds. most of the time she's realistic about it and simply watches the tiny insect gorge itself on her blood. and when it's finally sated its thirst it flies away and she's left with a swollen, red reminder. that she's slowing down in every way. 3: does there really need to be a number 3? numbers 1 and 2 seem to be debilitating enough, but i guess it's not enough, you want more pain, more loss, more drama. so fine. 3: her skin is turning into paper. i know, it sounds ridiculous. or crazy. but it's true. she doesn't know why and i certainly can't explain it. she does know, however, that it's another complication in her life. getting out of bed is quite an ordeal, with the immobile neck AND the paper skin. and we're not talking papery skin, we're talking paper skin. she has to be extraordinarily careful, every step she takes, or it begins to tear. the lucky thing is that there are several layers of skin, you know what i'm talking about, your epidermis is showing, yeah, you know. so when it first tears there's no rush of blood, no need to panic. she tapes her wounds up like torn pages in a book. she waits for the edges to grow together but they never do. soon she thinks she'll be entirely encased in tape. in fact, she's thinking about saying what the hell and doing it now as a preventive measure. she is also thinking about going to the dentist, maybe next week.

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