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12.09.03 - 8:55

i feel like i'm talking and the words evaporate into nothing before they hit anyone's ears. i see them all looking my way and i feel invisible. sometimes i can sense their gaze cutting through me -- a soft hiss, a sharp pain, then nothing.

i don't exist here anymore; i'm a nonentity. even when you all talk to me your conversations have nothing to do with me and i feel cancelled out by the static, negated by the noise. are you really hearing what i'm saying, i'm thinking, no, no, no. sometimes it hurts bc the words you're saying are, i love you, i need you, i want you, but it's not really true. if you'd listen to me, if you'd hear me, you'd understand what i'm saying now. but these words are going nowhere, falling into space just like all the other ones.

the cruelest irony is that if you think i'm talking to you right now, you're wrong. you wouldn't hear these words if they were meant for you.

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