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04.29.04 - 11:06

last night i dreamt about you. when i woke, the window was open just the tiniest bit and the air was cool. the curtain hung there in front of me, floating whitely, a quiet ghost. i am remembering you with every breath, forgetting you with every footstep.

when you sleep, you sleep deeply. it is the sleep of the innocent, the sleep of the peaceful. i envy you your quiet rest, the way you ease into unconsciousness. i sleep lightly these days, cautiously. i am afraid of falling too deeply. i cannot trust what i cannot see. sometimes you creep into my dreams though you know you are unwelcome. i wake violently, shaking you out of my sleep. i toss and turn until it all goes dark again.

the words are dripping through my fingers so slowly that it hurts. do you remember when it used to come so easily?

these days i wake up numb, just wishing i could feel something. these days i wake up remembering the pain, sometimes wishing i could feel it now, just to know that i'm alive.

do you remember me? i'm just a shell of the person i used to be. i'm just taking up the space that's shaped like me.

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