this is where we look for things
05.20.04 - 9:32
it's funny, isn't it. what. the days come, the not sad days. half the time they still make me forget when they come a few in a row. i'm better, i think, i'm fixed. and then it's like the sky falls in or the ground explodes or everything turns black and i can't breathe again and everythingeverythingeverything hurts so much, just like it used to, just like it always will. and then you'll find me here, with my hair in my face, my head in my heads. i'm waiting for the storm to pass. it feels like i'm always waiting for something.
i've made this mistake before, i know. i thought you could fix me, remember, and before that i thought it was him or her or someone else and every time, every single time, i was wrong. why would it be any different this time? how can i even imagine that there's a reality for me outside of this feeling? of course i was wrong. of course i messed up. of course i'm feeling this again because it never really went away, did it. come on in. have a seat. i'll pretend like it's been a while but we both know that you've been right here all along. you've never left me. you never will.
