12.01.04 - 5:52

we've had a cold snap recently, but it's been nice and bright during the days, lots of sunshine. such a nice respite from the rainy stretch we usually go through this time of year. it's been so sunny that when the sun goes down, the chill is really a surprise. if i'm going to be out all day i have to take a coat with me in the morning. it's a pain, but it's worth it when the sun sets and the temperature starts dropping.
i don't go out as much as i used to. i don't see as many shows. i still live with a soundtrack, though. music will always be a part of me. it's just hard to muster up the motivation to go see as many bands as i used to. the money, too. being a student can be a drag.
i don't cook as much as i used to, either, though that may change now that classes are over and i'll be home all day. i just stocked up on groceries.
i'm trying to decide what to do to my hair next. i like the white streaks but i've had the same thing going for three straight haircuts now. i'm not used to sticking to the same thing for so long, but i can't think of anything i'd like better. i've been putting off a much-needed trip to the hairdresser bc i don't know what i want them to do. while i wait and wallow in indecision, my roots are getting worse and worse. oh well.
i'm a lot more stable these days. you might not even recognize me. i have a far easier time thinking of myself as depressive rather than depressed right now. i still take my medicine every day and see my therapist every week. but i haven't had a real episode in months, it seems. sometimes i get sad and i cry a bit. but it's nothing like it used to be. i'm getting accustomed to stability. it's nice.
i still think about you sometimes. i wonder how you're doing and if you're happy. sometimes i hate myself for caring at all. sometimes i hate myself for not being able to forget.

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