this is where we look for things
1.31.01 - 12:49:15
do you see how time rushes by? it's the last day of january. i don't know what to make of it. seems like the tomorrows are becoming yesterdays faster than i can keep track of them. but still, there's this strange feeling of stasis. i don't know how to explain it. did you ever see clash of the titans? they have this winged horse that's supposed to be pegasus (of course) and it's "flying," but really you can tell that there's this poor little horse with these strapped on wings flapping up and down and the fake blue background, the "sky," is moving behind it, creating the illusion of movement. there's a bridge at the zoo, over a little creek or some other kind of moving water. i used to stand on the bridge and drape myself over the edge so all i could see was the edge of the bridge where i stood and the water below me. i'd hear all the zoo noise around me and feel people at my back and i would know all of this, but i would stare at the water, and things would start to blur. and then suddenly, i can't really tell if the water's moving or if the bridge is moving. i start blocking things out, all the ambient noise floats above me somehow, and i'm sitting there, with the water moving under me, or me moving on top of the water, me on the bridge, floating downstream. i would stare until i was convinced i was in motion and then i'd straighten up and look around me and wonder at the way i was still in the same place. the things we feel and think and see are so different from the things that really are.
