this is where we look for things
2.14.01 - 4:52:03
they are moments where gravity disappears and i'm not quite sure if it ever existed in the first place but by the time i've convinced myself that this is the truth i'm standing on the ground again and i don't remmber what the truth is. if i could step outside of this skin, my body, i think it would be a fun game to watch me. like a cartoon. there's some yelling in the other room. it's sunny outside. tomorrow's thursday. we like thursdays. death cab for cutie is playing tonight at not su oh. there is something that is making my shoulder sting. i want to open the blinds and let the light in but then i have to turn off the lights and the natural light isn't quite enough to make me feel like it's daytime. or maybe now it is. because it's sunny.
we gotta get out of this place...if it's the last thing we ever do...we gotta get out of this place...girl, there's a better life for me and you...
ok, did you know that was the same band that did house of the rising sun? yeah, i guess you do learn something new every day.
the work ladies are nice. they had chocolate at my desk. and a rose in a little bud vase. so cute. so thoughtful. how is it only 4:52? how is it already 4:52? i don't understand. i don't understand myself. i don't understand time. i don't understand anything, really, except when it comes to other people and other situations, i've discovered that i know pretty much everything. yeah, that's right, i'm the authority on every subject other than my self. let me tell you exactly how helpful that is. well, i guess it makes other people think you're smart or wise or knowledgeable or something.
but you want to know the truth? i'm most scared of the cold. the kind that creeps inside of me so i can put on eight layers of clothing and huddle under three layers of blankets and still, i feel it under my skin, still i'm shivering and my teeth are chattering and i can't breathe because of all the cloth, all the stuff, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter because i'm still so cold and i start sweating, and now there's sweat actually running off of my neck, my face, wetting the sheets, falling onto my pillow, and i try to wipe it away, but it keeps coming but i'm so cold, so so cold, and now i'm sweating and it's colder and i just don't understand, i just don't understand.
