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4.10.01 - 12:36

there is a table of mormons in the student center. they wear short sleeved white shirts with ties. they wear gray pants. another guy has been hired to sweep the construction site behind the shepherd school. i am listening to a band called dashboard confessional. my thyroid (apparently) hurts. i went to the grocery store and bought some groceries. my eyes are burning and my head is hot. the song i am listening to is called "a plain morning." sometimes there is a dearth of what, words, feelings, thoughts, coherence. coherence. should we make cookies or should we run along to work or should we knit sweaters and baby booties or what. i don't have any answers.

do you wonder what it's like to go crazy sometimes? watch pi. do you wonder what it would be like to see it coming like a tornado and do nothing, just open your arms and welcome it like a brother or a sister or a lost lamb. write a song about it, call it what, lunacy, and talk about the moon. eliot found his wasteland in a mental institution (read: nuthouse, looney bin, crazy house, insane asylum, etc). it happens sometimes. and what scale are you measuring this on anyway, the one that you read in kilograms and i read it pounds, the now that is now or the now that is moving faster than we can move with it, is there ever a present or just futurepastfuturepastfuture. i can hear the key turn in the lock but there's no one there.

you should not leave burning candles unattended. this is a fire hazard. you should have a fire extinguisher on hand. this is in case of unforeseen emergencies. if i buy a candle and it says, aromatherapy candle, stress-relieving, then i will light it and the stress will be relieved in the space of twenty to thirty-five minutes or what? what.

listen to anne carson, ok. be careful it's worldsharp.

there is no chocolate really in white chocolate. just cocoa butter, i think. i can't be sure. but i think if you decide to stop eating chocolate you can still eat white chocolate. there's none of that real chocolate stuff. now you're going to ask me what's in real chocolate but the thing is that if you can read this, then you can read so it doesn't matter if i know or not. unsweetened baking chocolate tastes decidedly not good. as does cocoa. how do people decide to pick things up in the wild and dry them and smoke them and burn them and mix them with milk and sugar or salt and vinegar or whatever to get the things that we get from burning and drying and smoking and mixing. i'll never understand it all, except that now i know that what is original is not always right and what is it that they said about that anyway, originality is just plagiarism undetected, yes, something like that.

it would have been nice to know oscar wilde, don't you think. he seems like a very intriguing character. after you die you become someone else, what, the sum total of your very best and your very worst, everything in the middle is lost to the ages, really. so we can form a stirring argument about how we all need to aspire to be better than anyone who has ever come before us or worse, the worst that's ever been because why, because otherwise you're really just going to be forgotten. and now think about trying to be the best and always falling short, trying to be the worst and never quite getting there and now you see why maybe people can be sad.

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