this is where we look for things
02.28.02 - 12:33
there's nothing to say sometimes. the words fail us all sometimes. sometimes. some times. i'm tired and tonight i'll be california dreamin'. it's time.
got some work for next week. you're in utah and i heard there wasn't much snow but it's still really cold up in deer valley. i heard he was the tallest person in japan and when i asked him he told me they picked him first when they played basketball. utah. they've got a lot of mormons and now olympic fallout. some is good and some is toxic. you know how it is.
myself, i'm ok. the thing is, when you're so used to being right you don't like advertising weakness. this means you camouflage the thought process, keep it to yourself until you're absolutely sure. so i suppose everyone else thinks it's completely out of the blue but the truth is that it's been in the works for months. i'm careful. and i've got to get better. i'm getting better. i think i'm on the right road.
he told me i needed lithium and i told him he was wrong. i mean, come on. he told me that my manic periods could escalate into psychosis. but come on. he told me that if i started hearing voices or seeing things to go to the doctor. but if i'm seeing and hearing these things, won't i be seeing and hearing them? i see and hear lots of things. should i go to the doctor? i mean, so do you. unless you're blind and deaf.
there was a machine that would change your 10 and 20 dollar bills at the BART today. we walked out into the afternoon, sun melting like a redorangeyellow popsicle over the bay bridge. we walked and the colors shifted, blues and purples, the breeze blew off of the water chilled. we jogged and the streetlights came on and everything was bright again, a different white bright. shadows of the palm trees like giant claws spread against the concrete. giggly lovers hugging and staring into each others' eyes down on the piers. tiny points of light outlining the steel cables stretching across the bay. we walked back into the building as the light faded out of the sky, violets deepening, navyblueblack. we're really here. really.
