08.12.03 - 11:17

they all say it's darkest before the dawn but i can't say i agree. i wonder if they've done as i have done, seen what i have seen. i've sat at my window and watched the world, from sunset to sunrise, watched the light grow dim and the dark grow deep. i watch the cars as they speed down the street, a steady rush of sound, in intervals matching the traffic lights. i pretend it's the ocean. i watch the cars and the drivers inside and i wonder, how do these people live their lives? how do these people get through one single day? how can they act like living is so normal when every single minute is so painfully difficult for me?

so i'm going to take some time off. figure out where my head went so i can screw it back on. figure out how to stop the bleeding before there's nothing i can do about it. figure out, figure out, figure out. i'm so lost right now i'd take any answer i could get. things are disappearing, and after the things, pieces of me.

what, what are we all looking for? where's the gift i was promised, the answers, the hope?

i'm missing you a little tonight and i'm wondering if you're sleeping or if you're lying awake with a song in your head. i think you have too many friends to really appreciate them enough and i think i'm exactly the opposite. the only thing is, you are very important to me while i can see you, hear you, touch you. but once you leave me behind your memory starts to fade immediately and i'll forget, i always do. perhaps that's why you gave me so many pictures, some way to remember you. oh, but it's still so likely that you'll come back and i'll have no idea who you are.

wish me luck. she said, for a minute there i thought i was going to be longer. let's hope it doesn't turn out that way.

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