10.13.00 - 10:59:11

it occurred to me today while walking to the stadium from fondren after class that i no longer felt comfortable inside my body. i didn't know what to with my arms, my hands, my fingers. they felt wrong. and then my legs went. i walked from shepherd to the car concentrating intently on joints and muscles, trying to think about other things to get my autopilot back on track, but you know how that goes. you can't try to not think about something without thinking about it. it's impossible (obviously). anyway, somewhere down the line, i remembered how to walk, but now i have a feeling that the walk from fondren to stadium will always be associated with that feeling of disconnection. but hey, our generation's not supposed to feel connected to much of anything, is it? who's to say your physical body is of any importance at all? there's a couple of interesting case studies in the man who mistook his wife for a hat, by oliver sacks. great reading, even if you're not into psychology.

today's warm fuzzy comes from chris . you made me smile, yo.

i wrote a lot of emails today. i think a lot of the stuff that would have gone on this page got funnelled off into emails. and now i'm trying to decide if it would be ok to cut and paste some stuff. but like, it just seems wrong for some reason. some reason i can't quite name, but a little gremlin in any case.

remember the movie gremlins? yeah, that was freaky.

"half of learning how to play is learning what not to play. and she's learning the spaces she leaves have their own things to say. then she's trying to sing just enough so that the air around her moves and make music like mercy that gives what it is and has nothing to prove..."

-up up up up up up ani

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