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12.17.00 - 2:11:04

vertigo. you should all read the unbearable lightness. i don't know how many times i can plug one novel, but yeah, it makes me want to learn czech so i can read it not in translation.

listening to aimee mann. red vines.

i can't wait for this semester to be over. i can't believe i'm done with all of my tests, but there's still these huge papers to get done. i can't wait until next semester. i am so looking forward to doing little to nothing.

do you remember those toys 'r' us commercials? 'i don't want to grow up, 'cause maybe if i did, i wouldn't be a toys 'r' us kid'. something like that anyway. i could never understand that. or peter pan. why would you always want to be a kid? i didn't really see anything all that hot about it. still don't. i look at kids and they bother me. maybe it's just that i'm becoming a sociopath in general. funny how we used to call sociopaths psychopaths in the not too distant past. well, maybe not funny exactly. but something.

i've been wearing a lot of jeans lately. i'm not so sure what that's about. i'm not really a jeans person. i'm more of a skirt person and then i switch to pants when it's cold. or skirts with tights. i was a jeans person in high school for sure. but then i realized that skirts were even less effort and even more comfortable. i realized today that with my new haircut i may never have to brush my hair again. not that i really did all that much to it before, though. but yeah, now it's not that it just looks so fabulous all by itself, it's just that i don't think there's much that brushing it would do. it's fun. i can get out of the shower and it dries in half an hour and it blow dries in ten minutes and it's fabulous for someone that doesn't give a shit about their hair, e.g. me.

i hate the word fabulous.

i know i usually wish for a fast-forward button, but i think right now i could make do with a pause. there's just so much weight inside my head and it makes my eyes heavy and it makes my bones hurt and it is a part of me and i've named it before. the ache of being human. the ache of consciousness. i just want to get my papers done and bake a million cookies. and go back to work and feel productive in a totally inane way. that's what i want to do.

Word of the Day for Sunday December 17, 2000:

pandemic pan-DEM-ik, adjective: Affecting a whole people or a number of countries; everywhere epidemic.

that's just in case you wanted to know. and according to, not me. noted that we had a wind advisory in place today. i'm in accordance with that decision. it was rather windy today. rather.

today i was chatting with melissa and we got to talking about candy bars, and her favorite (or one of) happens to be the mars bar. i ask her what's in it, and unfortunately, she doesn't know, she just thinks it's good. oh, but of course i can't just let it go at that, i have to know what's in a mars bar. so i actually found a webpage that featured cross-sections of various candy bars, from which i was able to determine that the mars bar appeared to contain almonds, nougat, caramel, and chocolate. sounds like a good bar to me. anyway, the whole thing reminded me of the seinfeld with george at the dealership and the candy lineup and all of that. good times.

oh, and angie, the word for windy is ventoso. viento is wind. oh lord, i'm so obsessive compulsive. i can't let ANYTHING go. today i picked up all the clothes on the floor because the mess that piled up while i was studying last week just got to be too much. i mopped and stuff. but then the sun started going down and i didn't have the energy to pick up all the books and papers so things still look a mess in here. things just don't feel real around me. and i can't ever figure out why.

what else. downloaded a little program that will keep my computer clock synched up with the atomic clock. nice. makes me feel a little better. time is sometimes very important to me. keeping track of it, anyway.

i'm never going to know you now, but i'm going to love you anyhow. i know i've mentioned it before, but i'm listening to waltz#2 and i just have to mention it again. elliott smith is just about the best chill music i know of. i think you could stick me in a dark room all by myself with a cd player, a tori cd, an aimee mann cd, and an elliott smith cd, and i think i'd be alright for quite a while. especially if you slid cheese slices and other flat foods under the door. read microserfs. good stuff.

i need to go brush my teeth.

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