this is where we look for things
12.15.04 - 5:48
forget remember when, she said. you thought you were a writer but the words dried up with the tears. it's ok, she said, i'd rather be stable than brilliant. funny. you'd rather be both. we live in constant give and take. after sunset. my focus is waning. your flame burns so brightly. there's nothing to hold us here, you said. there's nothing to tie us down. nothing but hopes and memories and expectations. nothing but fear and inertia. i want to speak to you. i want you to hear me. i want to be heard. (i don't have anything to say.)
you left so much behind, i know. sometimes i hear it in your wistful tone. you wonder where you might have ended up, if it might have been "better." the possibilities we never realized glow so brightly. the roads we took turn gray and dull. most often, there is no "better," there is only different. you trade one boredom for another, one ache for a different pain.
you shouted at me through the haze, we're trapped! no, we're not trapped, we're merely passing through. we're walking so slowly you'd think we were standing still. the leaves are turning along the path. you're muttering quietly, i catch bits and pieces, but nothing coherent. my mind is wandering.
the earth turns slowly, too. we feel it only in the gentle waltz from day to night, the changing stars above our heads at night.
